Are you living your life, or someone else’s? Take a moment to be honest. Do your decisions, your opinions, your very being feel authentically yours, or are you simply echoing the path of someone you admire? This habit of “tailing others” can have surprisingly deep and damaging roots.
What Does “Tailing Others” Really Mean?
Think of it like this: imagine a little puppy always following its bigger dog friend. It does everything the big dog does, goes everywhere the big dog goes, without really thinking for itself.
Tailing others means always trying to be like someone else. It means following their lifestyle, choices, fashion, relationships, career paths, or even the way they talk or behave — just to fit in or feel accepted. You may do it on social media or in real life, but the truth is, you stop being yourself.
When we “tail” people, especially those we look up to or admire, we start to:
- Copy their actions: We do what they do, even if it doesn’t feel quite right for us.
- Follow their opinions: We agree with what they say, even if we have our own thoughts.
- Try to be like them: We might change how we dress, talk, or even what we like, just to be more like the person we’re following.
- Lose our own way: We stop listening to our own inner voice and what truly makes us happy.
Why Do We Tail Others?
It’s pretty common for people to follow what others do. You might even do it without really thinking about it! Here are some of the big reasons why this happens:
- Feeling Like You’re Missing Out: Imagine everyone is talking about a new movie or a fun trend. You might feel like you have to see the movie or do the trend so you don’t feel left out of the group. This fear of missing out, makes people want to do what everyone else is doing. It’s like thinking, “If they’re having fun, I should too!”
- Not Feeling So Good About Yourself (Low Self-Confidence): When you don’t feel very sure of yourself, it can be easier to just follow what other people do. If someone seems confident and popular, you might think, “They know what they’re doing, so I’ll just do that too.” It’s like borrowing their confidence for a bit.
- Pressure from Friends (Peer Pressure): Your friends can have a big influence on you. If everyone in your group likes a certain kind of music, wears certain clothes, or does certain things, you might feel like you need to do the same to fit in and be accepted. This is called peer pressure. It’s like wanting to be part of the “in” crowd.
- Wanting People to Like You and Say Good Things (Wanting to be Liked or Praised): It feels good when people like us and say nice things about us. Sometimes, we follow others because we think it will make them like us more or give us praise. If someone you admire likes a certain hobby, you might try to like it too, hoping they’ll notice you and like you more.
- Thinking Others Have It Better Than You (Believing Others Are Doing Better): It’s easy to look at someone else’s life and think it’s perfect. You might see someone with a great job or lots of friends and think, “They must know what they’re doing. If I follow their steps, maybe my life will be that good too.” It’s like thinking someone else has the secret to a happy life.
How Social Media Makes Tailing Others Even Stronger:
Social media makes tailing others even more tricky. When you scroll through your phone, you mostly see people sharing their best moments – their amazing vacations, their exciting achievements, their happy times with friends. You don’t usually see the tough times, the boring days, or the struggles.
This can make it really easy to think that everyone else is living a much better and more exciting life than you are. So, you might start trying to copy what you see them doing, thinking that’s the key to happiness. It puts even more pressure on you to follow their “perfect” steps, even though what you’re seeing is just a small, often shiny, part of their real life.
Why Tailing Others Can Be Dangerous for YOU:
- You Lose Yourself: The biggest danger is that you start to forget who you really are. Your own unique talents, interests, and ideas get pushed aside as you try to fit into someone else’s mold.
- You Miss Your Own Path: Everyone has their own special journey in life. When you’re busy following someone else’s path, you might miss out on amazing opportunities that are meant just for you.
- You Can Feel Unhappy and Unfulfilled: Deep down, you know you’re not being true to yourself. This can lead to feelings of sadness, frustration, and like something is missing in your life.
- Stress and Anxiety: Trying to keep up with others can drain your energy and make you feel like you’re never good enough.
- Jealousy and Bitterness: When you copy others and still don’t feel fulfilled, you may start to feel jealous, angry, or bitter toward them.
- Broken Relationships: Friends, family, or partners may feel hurt if you always compare them to others or try to act like someone else.
- You Might Make Bad Choices: Just because someone you admire does something doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for you. You might end up making choices that you later regret.
- Your Confidence Can Drop: When you’re constantly comparing yourself to someone else and trying to be like them, it can make you feel like you’re not good enough as you are.
How Tailing Others Can Affect THEM:
It might seem like you’re just showing admiration, but constantly tailing others can also have negative effects on them:
- It Can Feel Like Pressure: Being constantly watched and copied can make someone feel like they’re living in a fishbowl. It can be stressful to feel like you always have to be a role model.
- It Can Stifle Their Growth: If someone feels like they always have to be “on” and perfect because others are copying them, they might be less likely to take risks or be their true, imperfect selves.
- It Can Create Unequal Relationships: When one person is always tailing others, it can create an imbalance in the relationship, where one person feels more like a leader and the other a follower.
Can Tailing Others Be Positive?
Yes, tailing others could be positive but only in small amounts and for the right reasons.
Sometimes, tailing others can help you learn or grow. Here are a few possible positive sides of tailing others — when done the healthy way:
1. Learning from Role Models
If you follow someone wise, skilled, or successful, it can teach you good habits. For example, copying the study habits of a top student or the work ethic of a good boss can help you improve your life.
2. Getting Inspired
Seeing someone achieve their dreams may motivate you to chase yours too. You may learn new ideas, styles, or skills just by observing them.
3. Building Good Habits
If you follow someone who eats healthy, exercises, or stays positive, you may also pick up those good habits and improve your own life.
4. Finding Your Path
Sometimes, tailing others helps you figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. You try something new, and then you learn what truly suits you.
But Be Careful: It’s a Thin Line
Tailing others becomes dangerous when:
- You forget who you are
- You copy people blindly
- You do it just to be accepted
- You feel bad about yourself afterwards
- You feel jealous or compare too much
If tailing others makes you feel small, unhappy, or fake — it’s no longer helpful.
How to Use Tailing in a Healthy Way
Here are tips to turn tailing into growth, not harm:
- Choose the right people to learn from (not influencers who fake their lives)
- Don’t copy everything — take what helps and leave what doesn’t
- Always ask yourself: “Is this true to who I am?”
- Use it as a guide, not as a rule
- Create your own version of what you admire
Breaking Free: How to Find Your Own Footsteps
The good news is that you can step out of someone else’s shadow and start walking your own path. Here’s how:
- Get to Know Yourself: Spend time figuring out what you truly like, what you’re good at, and what your values are. What makes you happy? What are your dreams?
- Listen to Your Inner Voice: Pay attention to your gut feelings and your own thoughts. Don’t just automatically agree with what others say. Think for yourself.
- Celebrate Your Uniqueness: Embrace the things that make you different. Your unique qualities are what make you special and interesting!
- Set Your Own Goals: Think about what you want to achieve in life, not just what someone else is achieving.
- Be Inspired, Not a Copycat: It’s okay to admire people and learn from them. But instead of trying to be exactly like them, use their journey as inspiration to create your own.
- Build Your Own Confidence: Believe in yourself and your own abilities. The more confident you are in who you are, the less you’ll feel the need to follow others.
- Limit Social Media Use: Social media often shows fake perfection. Reduce your time there and focus on real life.
- Seek Diverse Friendships: Surround yourself with people who have different interests and perspectives. This can help you see the world in new ways and discover more about yourself.
Final Thoughts: Your Journey, Your Footsteps
It’s natural to look up to people, but true growth and happiness come from walking your own path. Embrace your individuality, listen to your own voice, and create a life that’s authentically yours. The world needs your unique talents and perspective!
Tailing others may look easy, but it only leads to stress, confusion, and low self-worth. You were not born to be a copy. You were born to shine in your own way.
Let go of the pressure. Embrace your true self. There is power and peace in living your own life.
