Gaslighting: Don’t Let Anyone Mess With Your Mind

Have you ever been in a situation where someone you trust keeps denying things they clearly said or did, leaving you questioning your own memory?

Maybe you feel confused and constantly apologize, even when you’re not sure what you’re apologizing for. This could be a sign of gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse.

In this article, we’ll dive into what gaslighting is, how it shows up, and the negative impacts it has on those who go through it.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a sneaky tactic used by people to make others doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and reality. It’s like playing mind games to make someone feel confused and unsure of themselves. It is when someone tricks you into doubting your own reality.

Who is a Gaslighter?

A gaslighter is someone who manipulates others by making them question their perceptions, memories, and sanity. They use tactics like denial, lying, and distortion of reality to undermine the victim’s confidence and control them.

Gaslighters often seek to exert power and control over their victims and may have narcissistic or manipulative tendencies

Anyone can be a Gaslighter

They can be people you know well, like:

• Boyfriends or girlfriends (romantic partners)
• Husbands or wives (spouses)
• Moms or dads (parents)
• Close friends
• People you work with (coworkers)
• Even people you barely know (casual acquaintances)

Why do they do it?

The main goal of a gaslighter is to control you. They mess with your mind to gain power over you. Here are some reasons why they might do this:

• To control you in a relationship
• To avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes
• To make you feel like you need them

How Does Gaslighting Work?

Gaslighting can happen in different ways:

1. Denying Reality: The person doing the gaslighting might say things like “That never happened” or “You’re imagining things,” making the other person question their own memory and perception.
2. Minimizing Feelings: They might dismiss or belittle the other person’s feelings, making them feel like their emotions aren’t valid or important.
3. Blaming the Victim: They might blame the other person for things that aren’t their fault, making them feel guilty or ashamed.
4. Isolating the Victim: They might try to cut the other person off from friends and family, making them feel alone and dependent.
5. Twisting Facts: They might twist the truth or manipulate information to make the other person doubt themselves even more.
6. Turning Victims Passions: In gaslighting, the victim is being criticized about the things they love, making them feel bad about themselves and their choices.
7. Everyone Else is Wrong: The gaslighter might make the victim think that everyone else is lying to them, making the victim rely more on them.
8. Love Building and Tearing Down: In a gaslighting relationship, the abuser often alternates between tearing the victim down, building them up, and then tearing them down again. This abusive pattern can make the victim believe that the abuser isn’t all bad, especially when they receive praise after being torn down.
9. Words Don’t Match Actions: The abusers might say they care about the victim, but their actions show otherwise.

The Harmful Effects of Gaslighting

Here are the serious consequences gaslighting can have on the person being targeted:

1. Low Self-Confidence: Constantly being told you’re wrong or crazy can make you doubt yourself and lose confidence in your own abilities.
2. Low Self-Esteem: Gaslighting erodes your self-esteem, leaving you feeling worthless and undeserving of love and respect.
3. Confusion: You feel disoriented and confused a lot, unsure of what’s real.
4. Constant Apologies: You apologize all the time, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
5. Anxiety and Stress: Living in a state of confusion and uncertainty can lead to anxiety and stress, as you struggle to make sense of what’s real and what’s not.
6. Depression: Gaslighting can leave you feeling sad and hopeless, as you start to believe that you can’t trust your own thoughts and feelings.
7. Difficulty Trusting Others: After being manipulated and deceived, it’s hard to trust anyone else, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
8. Emotional Exhaustion: Gaslighting takes a toll on your mental and emotional well-being, leaving you feeling drained and worn out.
9. Isolation: Gaslighting often involves isolating the victim from friends and family, leaving them feeling alone and unsupported. This isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair.
10. Trauma: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and like other forms of abuse, it can cause lasting trauma. Victims may experience flashbacks, nightmares, and other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

How to Spot Gaslighting:

If you’re experiencing some of the signs mentioned below, it’s important to be aware of gaslighting. Here are some red flags:

• A partner who constantly puts you down or criticizes you.
• A friend who makes you feel like you’re overreacting or too sensitive.
• A family member who denies past events or twists situations to make you look bad.
• You constantly apologize, even when you’re not wrong.
• You feel confused and on edge a lot. You can’t trust your own memories or perception of events.
• You feel isolated from loved ones.

What to do to Break Free if You’re being Gaslighted:

Here’s what you can do if you think someone’s messing with your mind:

1. Talk It Out: Don’t bottle it up. Reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone you trust and feel safe talking to. Sharing your experience can help you see things clearly.

2. Keep a Record: Evidence is your friend! Write down important events, conversations, or anything else that shows the gaslighting behavior. This can be helpful if you need to distance yourself from the person.

3. Draw the Line: It’s okay to say “no” and limit contact with the gaslighter. If things are really bad, consider cutting them out of your life completely. Protect your mental health!

4. Get Support: A therapist can be a powerful ally. They can help you deal with the emotional effects of gaslighting and develop healthy coping mechanisms to move forward.

Conclusion

If you’re experiencing gaslighting, it’s crucial to seek help and support. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can offer validation and guidance.

Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and there are people who can help you heal from the effects of gaslighting.